I can’t keep this secret anymore. I like you…like, a lot. 

It’s been over a year since we last crossed paths. I know online school has been difficult for both of us, but not being able to see you in person has made it so much worse.

I remember my first day of sixth grade; I was terrified. We had never met, yet you extended your kindness to me, and it comforted me. Our friendship grew immediately, and now I’m proud to call you one of my first true friends. I miss the times when it was just you and me, next to each other in class, laughing at something absurd the teacher just said or simply enjoying each other’s company.

But now, I sit behind a screen, stalking your Instagram. My mood turns sour when I see you with others. You are what I manifest, with the hope that you might crawl back into my life through a text. I sit in my room with my LED lights blaring down on me. No words have been spoken between us.

Last year you said we’d keep in touch. We haven’t talked in a year.

It breaks my heart that our only form of communication has become the sidebar that shows what you’re listening to on Spotify. Our daily snaps turned to weekly, before sputtering out entirely. Why haven’t I texted you? Maybe I’m just scared. 

We’re young and I know one day looking back on my teenage crush I’ll realize the silliness of it, but I can’t help the severity of my feelings for you.

I can’t help but dream that the feelings are mutual and that we’re just two scared teens in love. I can’t wait to see you in person next year. Even though we’ve only been connected over a screen, I still have a crush on you and I hope we have class together. 

Love, 

Your Secret Admirer •