After polling our helpless, wisdom-seeking Instagram followers this month, we simply had too much good material to choose from. So for our penultimate edition of Fairy Good Advice ™ , we chose to share the wealth with an advice lightning round. As always, thank you to our needy disciples for your stupid, ridiculous queries. You amuse us, serfs. 

I’m not sure I’m in love with him. How can I know?

Do you dream of sharing a romantic lunch with him in the rose garden? Or nursing plants together in the greenhouse? Perhaps, while sitting in chemistry class, you find yourself looking for his initials on the periodic table… or maybe, you long to get stuck in the security line together. If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s love, baby. 

I want to do everything but I have no time. Help. 

Drop all of your extracurriculars and join The Beacon. Spend every waking moment on The Beacon until your brain rots and your eyes fall out of your head. Worked for us<3

The guy I like is so dense, and the worst part is he’s somehow rejected me twice without me saying anything. 

Tbh… we can’t figure out what you’re asking. And trust us, we tried. After mulling over your query for several hours while sipping herbal tea and rocking gently in a hammock, we’re still lost. Here is our conclusion: he obviously (unfortunately) doesn’t like you (as he’s made quite clear), so maybe it’s time to move on. xx. 

How can we make the crew team seem more inviting and less cult-like? 

Oh, @wilsonvarsityboysrowing… tripping over yourselves to ask us for help once again. Gosh. Idk. Maybe stop gyrating on your weird erg machines like robots for hours at a time. Let the common folk walk through the atrium in peace. No one wants to see your shirtless bodies…no matter how toned they are. 

I really love my girlfriend and I am scared of the inevitable demise of college. What should I do?

Ahhhhhh young love. We love to see it. Would love to have it (tragic). We suggest crafting a cardboard cutout of her to place in the corner of your dorm. This doubles as an excellent judge of character for your new roommate. If the cutout makes them uncomfortable, screw that kid. You never liked them anyways. If they move out, well lucky you—more alone time with your cardboard cutout;)

Xoxo, Anya and Charlotte <3