Benjy and Deirdre are back, here to ruin our stomachs for your entertainment. This month we face a fierce contender: pizza. Or, more specifically, pizza slices, since eating multiple small pizzas in one day is an impossible feat, even for us. 

First, we visited the location where this all began, Whole Foods! While Whole Foods isn’t technically a pizza place, it does offer a wide variety of slices. For the purposes of this review, we just got cheese (sadly), but the variety should be noted. The pizza tasted great, and the crust was both tasty and not too breadstick-like. Our only major critique came from the greasiness of the pizza. Overall, we gave Whole Foods a 3.6/5.

Next, we went to a Jackson-Reed staple: Angelico. Expecting greatness, we left thoroughly disappointed. For one, the restaurant was HOT. While this isn’t a criteria for the pizza tasting itself, it did detract from the experience. The sauce on the slice was excruciatingly sweet, the crust wasn’t amazing nor atrocious, and worst of all, the slice was colder than the room we ate it in. Angelico got what it deserves, a 2.2/5.

After a short walk down Wisconsin, we stumbled upon Pizza Boli’s. The restaurant was also very warm (are all pizza places trying to cook you?), but the service was friendly (they only tried to swindle us into buying more pizza twice). And holy moly, this slice was HUGE. It was given to us in a small pizza box, a warning of its gargantuan nature. The taste wasn’t anything special, and the crust was mediocre, but this slice in and of itself was a pizza. For $6.50 it was the most expensive purchase of the day, but we got a bang for our buck. All in all, Pizza Boli’s earned a 3.2/5.

Pete’s Pizza was next on our list. For all of its hype, we left unimpressed. Although clearly fresh out of the oven, it appeared to be fresh out of an oil rig as well. The crust was fine, the sauce-to-cheese ratio was good, but it was so greasy that it needed a Gulf of Mexico-style cleanup with several napkins to be even edible. Its redeeming qualities were a nice crispy bottom and sauce that didn’t taste like dessert. 3/5.

Rome Pizza & Sub sits across the street from Pete’s. Pure intrigue led us to try their cheese pizza, wondering how they stay in business as we’ve never seen anyone enter nor exit the establishment (money laundering?). We soon realized why. What ensued was an affront to pizza which resembled cafeteria-style pizza, covered in a thick layer of rubbery cheese. This was not the melty, bubbly, mozzarella that adorns normal pizza. This was more of an insulating cheese that served as a protective layer for the sauce and crust below. It was an effective repellent. The only good thing about this pizza was the nice lady behind the counter who made it fresh. Unfortunately, you can’t eat service. 2.2/5. •