On November 25, President Joe Biden officially pardoned two turkeys, Peach and Blossom, on the South Lawn of the White House, and I was lucky enough to see the backs of other audience members’ heads while he did it (#TooShortToSee).
After a slight hiccup with the Secret Service (an officer had to call my mom to make sure I wasn’t an unsupervised teenager about to wreak havoc) and another hiccup with the ticket checkers (I lost my email confirmation), my friend and I made our way past friendly greeters and red-coated trumpet-players towards security. They made her take her used tissues out of her purse (why?), but we made it onto the White House grounds in less time than it takes to get through JR security at 9:03 AM.
A live orchestra played instrumental holiday music and a surprising amount of show tunes. The Sound of Music was featured prominently, but tragically, Wicked was not, so we did not get to hold space with the lyrics of Defying Gravity. We did make the “Do you think she’s going to play Hot to Go?” reel though, because we are chronically online.
There were about 2,500 people in the crowd, and while we waited for Joe Biden to come out, we read through some of the PETA literature thrust into our hands by a protester in a turkey costume. The pamphlet answered some helpful questions about ThanksVegan (similar to ThanksLiving), such as “What is speciesism?” and “What do I do if I have to watch people eat meat?” Our answer: chill out probably. The vegan superiority complex was strong. But it’s true, vegans are better people than I am–I ate an unpardoned turkey on Thanksgiving and it was unfortunately very yummy.
Peach and Blossom, the lucky ducks (or should I say turkeys), were named after the Delaware state flower, which is boring, but nice, I guess. Last year, Biden pardoned Liberty and Bell (also boring), and before that, Chocolate and Chip (better), and in 2021, Peanut Butter and Jelly (I’m allergic, so I can’t condone the choice). The most insane naming choice in turkey pardoning history is a two-way tie between Bill Clinton’s 1984 bird, Robust and Juicy, who went by R. J, and Donald Trump’s 2017 bird, Drumstick, who he picked over the alternate, Wishbone. Those turkeys are probably both dead, and I have a sinking feeling Donald Trump gobbled them both.
The origin of the ceremony is shrouded in lore. Legend has it Abraham Lincoln saved an unnamed turkey on Christmas during his presidency because it was his son’s emotional support animal. However, the tradition didn’t start in earnest until the 40s when the National Turkey Foundation (NTF) started ceremonially presenting them to the White House. Truman is sometimes credited with starting the tradition, but don’t be fooled–he ate his “pardoned” turkey for dinner.
John F. Kennedy did take pity on a turkey in 1963, and although Lyndon B. Johnson showed no such kindness, Nixon and Carter started sending theirs to petting zoos. Reagan was the first to use the word pardon about an honored turkey, who was named Charlie. George H. W. Bush formalized the tradition, the first to officially grant a presidential pardon to one turkey and name a second, alternative turkey (in case the first one died before the ceremony).
The tradition of pardoning two turkeys is new with Joe Biden, a bipartisan bi-pardoner. This penchant for the presidential pardon should have clued us in that he would break the record for most clemencies issued in a single day–1,500.
The night before the big day, the turkey usually stays at a nice hotel. Peach and Blossom got a luxury suite at the Willard InterContinental Hotel and received massages, free WiFi, and my tax dollars to spend at the minibar. They were accompanied to the ceremony by John Zimmerman, farmer and NTF chair, and his 9-year-old son, Grant Zimmerman, who helped his dad select Peach and Blossom from a flock of 40 last July. They picked well–Biden reported that Peach was 40 pounds (I think that’s impressive?).
Peach and Blossom’s majestic white feathers fanned around them like a halo as Biden issued a full pardon for their crimes: being delicious.
All in all, a 10/10 experience, PETA losers, tail feathers and all.
